Letters 1_The Osho Basher

February 24, 2002

Mark said he found himself profoundly dismayed when a private yoga student of his, an intelligent, articulate woman who has "a degree in some kind of philosophy," criticized Osho. Mark originally had asked her if she had ever heard of Osho. When she said, "No," he loaned her the Book of Nothing (on Sosan). When she found out that Osho was previously known as Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, she said he had only "rebranded himself" in order to make more money; she said the ashram was a "cult"; she said he had poisoned people in Oregon. According to Mark, she could not accept Osho as an enlightened being, nor could she accept the idea of "no-mind." Last, but not least, "She is far more articulate than I am, so it gets a bit frustrating when she can outwit me in our debates!"

Osho Problems

February 24, 2002

Hi, Mark,
Along the way you said to me, "I will plunge myself deeper and further into his works - every word I read is pure bliss - poetry for the heart and soul - this man is a Buddha."
You are absolutely right. It is important to trust your own experience of the man and the insight he shares with you, do you agree?

You have just had your first run-in with an Osho-basher. I know it is not fun, but I cannot help chuckling. She is so typical. When she originally said she had not heard of Osho, she was ready and willing to read the book. But as soon as the name " Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh" popped up, so did all of her prejudices, distorted views and limited knowledge of the facts. She was blinded by her own preconceptions, and instantly lost all objectivity. Am I right?
Immediately, the usual buzzwords came into play—

—"Cult"— All religions have begun with small, elite groups, then spread into more widely embraced groups—Buddhism and Christianity, to name just two. However, the word "cult" is rarely used in that sense. It is nearly always used in its pejorative sense of "enslavement." Did Buddha enslave? Did Jesus enslave? There were certainly those who said so—exactly the same mentalities who hurled the same accusations at Bhagwan.

—"Poisoning"— Sheela ran the ashram, betrayed Bhagwan, and did indeed try to poison some of the members who found out about her and threatened to tell Bhagwan. In general, she used heinous fascist tactics in combating equally fascist Christians who were trying to destroy the ashram. Bhagwan was blamed for all of that, when, in fact, he had nothing to do with it. He called police immediately upon finding out what she had done, and cooperated with them one hundred percent. Sheela was later sentenced to four years in jail. Bhagwan was convicted of no criminal charges, other than performing marriages without a license.

—"Making more money"— Bhagwan enjoyed his pleasures, but owned nothing, legally had no money whatsoever of his own, and remained indifferent to it—he used it but was never used by it. He did not value or devalue money: he played with it, which infuriates those who cannot understand how anybody who lives opulently cannot and is not greedy the way they themselves are. To him, money, watches, clothes, cars, jewelry, etc. were all toys, cute, fun, but insignificant. In effect, he was throwing people's own greed back in their faces, holding in amused contempt the material things they coveted with all their heart and soul.

—"Enlightenment"— The notion of enlightenment, no-mind, ego transcendence, transpersonal consciousness and related concepts are almost inevitably anathema to scholars, psychologists and sociologists. The very idea of being able to pragmatically utilize egoic perceptions on the relative plane AND being able to transcend ego is incomprehensible to many people. The insight that one can become selfless—i.e., egoless—and thereby become open, receptive and psycho-spiritually at one with the whole of cosmic existence in the universal domain, is almost entirely an Eastern notion. Western post-Enlightenment rationalists for the most part fear and despise the very thought of it.

In recent years, however, numerous Western meditators have experienced such states, developed them into permanent perceptual structures, and spoken eloquently and insightfully on the subject, among whom we might list Herman Hesse, Ram Dass and, more recently, the brilliant Ken Wilber. Even as intellectuals and university educated scholars often cling to the considerable powers of the intellect, so they also cling to its weaknesses and limitations. As a result, they almost inevitably hold mystics in contempt, belligerently, arrogantly and rather stupidly resisting post-Enlightenment transcendental revelations as being nothing more than escapist self-delusions.

Needless to say, these so-called "rationalists" view meditation, ego transcendence, transpersonal consciousness and all of the considerable evidence that supports these high-end domains of the spectrum of consciousness as little more than twaddle. Western mind-conditioning imprisons their intellect with the biases and distortions of modern scientism—itself a widespread cult, as it were—and their fears force them to resist all methodologies and evidence to the contrary (well-documented throughout Ken Wilber's work, most recently Integral Psychology).

These so-called "rationalists" become dogmatically irrational in the extreme when these matters are broached. To be sure, some are capable of opening their eyes, expanding their own experience of their own inner worlds, and growing and learning from someone such as yourself or me or Osho or Krishnamurti or Wilber or any of dozens of others who have explored these domains and continue to evolve into progressively higher realms of consciousness. Others, perhaps including your sociology scholar, will forever remain tethered to the banalities of the material world. Scientism is their belief system; empirical experimentation their ritual; sensory quantification their god and master.

It's such a shame too, because if they opened their eyes a little, they could see that the intellect does not have to be a barrier to self-sense transcendence, but can be a gateway, a clearing away of pre-modern superstitions, an opening into suprarational realization of the All. Reason and rationality are NOT the top of the ladder—there is more, infinitely more. Reason can open doors, but all to often it shuts them down entirely.

Mystics of all ages in all cultures both East and West have known these higher states, and every once in a while a few of them (such as Buddha, Jesus, Osho, Ramana Maharshi, Sri Aurobindo) have spoken to others about their realizations. These are the teachers, the masters, the gurus, those who lead us from darkness into light. And almost inevitably these masters are surrounded by controversy, because darkness is the conventional mode of the moment, and the enlightened ones are leading us out of the conventional mode into post-conventional realms where the light shines ever brighter. For this, they are cursed and all too often crucified by those who would cling desperately, viciously, violently and absolutely to the known, the established, the familiar, the safe, the dark, the conventional — all in the name of Truth and the One God. Politicians, priests, scholars and businessmen tend to ride in the same boat.

When I saw what was happening in Oregon many years ago, I began keeping articles on Bhagwan, gathering more of his books, plunging into them because I wanted to know the man's works thoroughly, what he said, how he said it, what kind of depth and scope did he have, was he a man of truth or just another shuck and jiver. Was he a man of substance, or merely a manipulator, quick with words and a fast hand? Was he a Buddha, or was he another Jim Jones (as some said he was). Was he just a con artist, or did he have something to say of profound importance?

I looked into his works and found the man. I looked into the man and his words and found the work to be brilliant, with unlimited insight, love and compassion. Not without limitations or shortcomings — I did not say that. As I read the scope of his works, I found certain limitations and shortcomings too. But I did not find lies, corruption, self aggrandizement, political deceit, misrepresentation, exploitation, dishonesty or of those other pathological qualities that are so highly esteemed in politics, business, law and institutional religion the world over. He was a man of unflinching honesty and bedrock integrity—precisely the qualities that made the orthodox, socially respectable, morally "decent" hypocritical conventional minds of our day despise him.

I also wanted to find out what actually happened up there in Oregon. I know how the press functions (sensationalism is the name of the game); and I know how right wing Reagan/Bush Republicans think; and I know how militantly pious hard core Christian fundamentalists think. It looked to me like another Jesus/Buddha/Mansoor/Socrates was getting nailed to the cross up there—but why? How? What for? What was actually going on?

I researched newspapers, magazines and books over the course of several years, so I could find out for myself what truly happened at Poona, what happened in Oregon, what happened during the twelve days Bhagwan was under arrest (without a warrant) and shipped around the country under wraps (in chains), what happened when he was released (and ostracized by 21 countries), what happened back in India (Poona II), and how and why he died at such an early age (poisoned by the Reagan people while in the U.S. during those twelve days).

In other words, I wanted to find out for myself and not take anybody else's word for it — not the Bhagwan supporters, not the Republicans, not the press. That meant I had to read and digest everything that came my way — including his own works, which his critics neglected in its entirety—and come to my own conclusions, which I did.

Long story short: He was betrayed by his own disciple, the power-tripping Sheela. He was rail-roaded by right-wing Republican politicians and Christian priests who wanted above all to destroy the Oregon ashram and get Bhagwan out of the country. He made a mistake by coming to America during the ultra-stupid right-wing Reagan years.

But happy to say, when all is said and done his works hold up forever, above and beyond the internal and external politics that destroyed him, even as the words of Buddha, Jesus, Socrates and many others live on in spite of those who attempted to destroy them [as in Buddha's case] or actually succeeded in doing so [as with Jesus and Socrates].

I am glad you have had this encounter, Mark. Regard it as a demonstration of what I spoke to you about a while back. You may remember my e-mail of 12/27/01, but let me include the relevant passages here for convenience:

[See "Re: Thoughts, December 27, 2001"—the section from "Many people dislike Osho, not necessarily because they have read him" through "Just a suggestion, which may prove helpful as you move into the light that Osho shines."]

There have been several books written about the ashrams in Poona and Oregon, among which I recommend one in particular: Bhagwan: The Buddha For the Future, by Juliet Forman (a.k.a.Maneesha, his most loyal and loving disciple—and one of his brightest—who also wrote a second and third book, Bhagwan: Twelve Days That Shook The World, and Bhagwan: One Man Against The Whole Ugly Past of Humanity).

There is another book I would recommend to you at this point—Bhagwan: The Most Godless Yet the Most Godly Man, by Dr. George Meredith (one of the sanyassins Sheela tried to poison).

So this has been quite an experience for you, Mark. Good for you!
Let it lead you further along your path. Keep in mind that you are your own person. Your experience is your own. Trust it. Go with whatever helps you open your eyes and your heart. Freedom is the first step. Not the last, but the first. Begin in freedom and choose in freedom.

Open yourself to all influences that help you feel more alert, more alive, more liberated, more energized.

Gently set aside those influences that you either subtly and intuitively or blatantly and directly find unhealthy, destructive, distractive, misleading or toxic. Use your judgment and discriminatory powers. Trust them.

Each teacher has much to offer, and at each stage and level of development in your life, there is a teacher who can help you. Seek these teachers. When you find them, embrace them, absorb them as life-giving nourishment. Stay with them intensely, with dedication and trust as long as you need them and find them fulfilling. If a time comes to move along, then kiss them goodbye, bless them, gently set them aside, seek and find whatever is needed next.
Wisdom is universal. It is everywhere. Diamonds in the sand; light in air; music inside the ocean of your own being.

Keep on keepin' on, Mark. Life is such an adventure, isn't it?

(Bless your friend, too. Look at all the good stuff she stirred up!)

All the best,
Lee

Qwik Addendum

February 24, 2002

Hi, Mark,

Sorry to trouble you. Wanted to add a couple of quick P.S. thoughts —

Another word about "cult" — Bhagwan time and again denounced authorities, followers, leaders and the whole notion of giving up one's independence. To the contrary, he said over and over again, stressing this point, that he was doing everything he could to liberate his listeners from society's hypnotic conditioning, help them discover their own authentic personhood. His words again and again threw listeners back on themselves; he utterly refused to take responsibility for their lives, and insisted they develop courage enough to shed parental/social/authoritarian influences and grow into a maturity that welcomed, accepted, and fully embraced the responsibility that comes with freedom.

On "no-mind" — there is a lot of misunderstanding about this notion of an empty mind. Opponents, usually well-trained Western intellectuals, think of it as "brainless," "stupid," "mindless" (in the pejorative sense), as if helping people to meditate and attain a state of no-mind were simply a cunning way of manipulating innocence and cynically taking advantage of trust. True, there are those who do that sort of thing, and they are to be condemned. However, Bhagwan was not one of them, in spite of what his attackers maintain to this day.

Whether with Bhagwan or Buddha or a Japanese Zen master, no-mind is a time-honored state of consciousness in which egoic distortion and intellectual activity is suspended; in which mind-movement ceases; in which there is no mental activity, but pure presence, pure awareness without content — an opening into psychological transcendence and spiritual unity with existence. It is the transcendence of space (into the infinite, the boundless, which mind cannot comprehend), and the dissolution of time (into the eternal, the living present, also which mind cannot comprehend). It is the inner state of no words, thoughts, conceptual analysis; no movement/timelessness; no edges/infinite spaciousness; no self, no other, no divisions: pure unity. It is the highest state of intelligence, the highest state of awareness, a state of absolute bliss, known by thousands of meditators throughout history. It is in us and with us already. Realizing it, recognizing it, that is the trick.

Don't want to bore you, just wanted to clarify a couple of points I thought about after sending my posts off to you.

All the best, guy,
Soon,
Lee

Thank-you

February 25, 2002

Mark protested, and asked if I were mad for thinking I might be boring. "Far from boring me I've had to print your e-mails off the computer to read and digest properly — absolutely fantastic stuff!"

He said he would be seeing the woman for a yoga lesson tomorrow, and he felt pleased that he now had "some ammunition to fire back at her." He felt especially pleased that I had suggested "blessing" his friend for stirring up such a beneficial ruckus, and thanked me for answering some of the nagging thoughts he himself had had about Osho. He acknowledged that Osho did not need to be defended or advocated, and expressed his thanks for my explanation of "no-mind."

He said he had ordered the Juliet Foreman and Dr. Meredith books, along with several CDs, including Deuter's Nada Himalaya/Magical Healing Mantras (25 musicians from around the world united with voices, guitars and other instruments); and Osho's meditations and nadabrahama chakra breathings. He was pleased that the place in England from which he orders his Osho books sent him an extensive catalogue of the books they had in stock, and closed his e-mail to me with, "You are certainly a Buddha in my eyes. . .Om shanti shanti shanti."

Osho Books & the Basher

February 25, 2002

Hi, Mark,

Thank you so much for your kind words. Your receptivity and positive orientation delight me to no end, and it is a pleasure spending time with you.

I completely understand your enthusiasm for Osho's works, and your desire to share that enthusiasm with others, but for your own benefit, and for the various reasons I indicated in yesterday's "Osho Problems" e-mail, I suggest you resist the temptation to enter into discussions with those who have fixed negative opinions about Osho and his discourses.

Do whatever you wish, of course, but keep in mind that people have to come to these inner zones on their own. If they are not ready for the teachings of a master, whether Osho or Krishnamurti or Sri Aurobindo or Wilber or Lao Tzu or Chuang Tzu or Dogen or any of dozens of others, argumentation will only force them to resist your words and reject your experiences and defend their own fear and ignorance even more strenuously. This is only a little something I pass along to you, the basic suggestion being simple enough: Save your energies for those who are receptive and might be able to make good use of your insights.

The fact that you are moving ahead so well in your explorations is heartwarming for me. By all means look into the teachers and books that interest you. Let their contents flood your being with light, and bring that light into your daily life.

In Osho's case, it is very wise of you to dig into some of the history and background, become acquainted with the issues, the controversies, the pros and cons that various people present. If there is anything I can say about this kind of exploration it is this: Let neither the idolaters nor the attackers sidetrack you. Be aware of their praises and curses, keep your head clear, and, above all, remain close to the works themselves and to the responses of your own heart. After all, above and beyond the sound and fury of politics, the discourses themselves remain alive and well and timeless. It is the work that counts, not the hullabaloo surrounding it. And it is your own direct, one-to-one relationship with Osho and the work that counts, not the relationships others may have.

The Deuter Magical Healing Mantras and the mystical love songs and instrumental haikus you mentioned sound like fabulous CDs. I've not heard them yet. Be sure to let me know about them after you take a listen, yes?

I already mentioned to you one of my favorite series, the four-volume series on Lao Tzu, entitled The Three Treasures. It can be a welcome balance for you. The path of Yoga is a path of effort and developmental stages, while the path of Lao Tzu is one of letting go. Both are good, both offer enormous benefits, both open different dimensions within yourself. Both paths share realization, but the processes are different. Each has great value under varied circumstances, conditions, mind-states. A good idea to open yourself to all sides of yourself, do you agree?
(If you decide to explore the Lao Tzu books, you may also want to get Stephen Mitchell's translation of the Tao Te Ching as a companion book; you can compare translations in Osho's text with Mitchell's text and get an even fuller, deeper, richer insight into "the Old Guy" and his work.)

Osho did many wonderful series. Another that springs to mind is the series on one of his favorite poets, Kabir. He did five books on Kabir, all of which I thoroughly enjoyed, so relaxed, beautiful, insightful. I would especially recommend (perhaps for your yoga retreat) two of them: Ecstasy, the Forgotten Language, and/or The Divine Melody. (The other three are The Fish in the Sea is Not Thirsty; The Path of Love; and The Revolution). All were spoken during the '70s, the Poona One period, which I urge you to explore first, as this period is extraordinarily nourishing and uplifting [say, 1974—1980/82 or so] and comparatively free from political cacophony.

Still another series is Osho's two-book series on the great Taoist, Chuang Tzu: The Empty Boat, and When The Shoe Fits. While Chuang Tzu has become rather well known these days because of his now-famous phrase, "Right is Easy. Easy is Right," he was not so well known when Bhagwan spoke on him and his sutras. I found these two books to be jam-packed with energy, insight, interesting anecdotes and esoteric information. Exciting reading.

Between Lao Tzu, Kabir and Chuang Tzu, you have a full plate! Don't feel you necessarily have to buy the books of any given series all at once; maybe buy one, read it, check it out; if it moves you, then take another step. I tend to buy all books of a series and then read the series to completion, but that may not be your way, and it can get a little expensive. Like I said, freedom is the first step! Follow your instincts, needs, intuitive directions.

Happy Reading and Happy Listening, Mark.

Let me know how things go.

Always good hearing from you.

With Highest Regards,

Namaste,

Lee

One Last Attempt

February 26, 2002

Mark wrote back and said he understood that he should be aware with Osho bashers and try not to waste energy "on a lost cause." However, "I will have one last attempt today with the young lady in question before I leave her to live in sensory mind-limiting existence!"

He said he tries not to listen to his attackers or idolaters, but to follow the words of the Buddha — "accept nothing as the truth until you have experienced it yourself."

Evidently The Three Treasures series on Lao Tzu was out of print, so he would try to get a second-hand copy. Meanwhile, he was going to explore the Chuang Tzu and Kabir series. He went on to ask several other questions about music and books, which I answered below.

Divine Melody

March 19, 2002

Hi, Mark,

I was just thinking of you — and opened my e-mails, and here you are! Glad you're back from the yoga retreat, and glad you had a good time. Good to hear from you.

So glad you read The Divine Melody! It is beautiful indeed, isn't it? as are all of the books Osho did on Kabir. I recommend these books because Kabir's poetry is exquisite and they strongly bring out the poet in Osho. The poetic dimension is in my opinion an extremely important element in the discourses, because the language becomes music, thus transcending language per se, and the music-language becomes a potent transformative agent in and of itself, do you agree? It gives one the feeling directly, above the conceptual elements of the words. Maybe you enjoyed Divine Melody enough to check out some of the other Kabir books as you go along. I found them to be wonderfully rewarding, perhaps especially after reading some of the more difficult works (such as The Heart Sutra, The Diamond Sutra, or the four-volume series The Discipline of Transcendence [all of the above on various Buddha works]).

You ask me about Hariprasad — he comes highly recommended! Wonderful Hindi bansuri music, serene, tranquil, infused with centuries of Indian meditation consciousness. He's done a number of albums, including Music of the River, Four Dhuns, Rag Bhinpalasi, and my two favorites Rag Kaunsi Kanhra, and Flute.

For some additional exceptional Indian-oriented music you might want to check out John McLaughlin's Handful of Beauty (which I think I mentioned to you a while back), and/or a marvelous ECM album he did with Zakir Hussain (as leader), John on guitar, Hariprasad on flutes, and Jan Garbarek on saxes. It's called Making Music, recorded a long time ago, in 1986 (released 1987), one of many superb albums with McLaughlin and various Indian friends.

Myself, well, I keep hanging out with my ol' buddy Johann Sebastian Bach, particularly Glenn Gould's piano/organ renditions of concerti, fugues, suites, etc. Great stuff, although I am the only person I know (other than the late Glenn Gould himself) who likes this music enough to spend time with it. Drives Sonia crazy, and my mother says of Bach, "You mean that guy who writes scales?" I don't care, of course. I just chuckle. It took me years to get here, and now I love it.

So happy for you that you have been spending time with Glimpses of a Golden Childhood. If the truth be known, that is one of my very favorite Bhagwan books. A delight, isn't it? I think I mentioned to you that if you read carefully, you will see that the three principle men in his early life were all buddhas in their own right, and that much of Bhagwan's growing-up story takes place as the foreground in front of the three background stories of these other men, all of whom recognized Bhagwan as a buddha early on — one of the traditional prerequisites in India for buddhahood status (whatever that means — there are no certificates for such things!). And of course all the stories along the way are extraordinary — the people he met, school events, his grandfather and grandmother, other relatives, travels. Great stuff. I've read that book twice now, and will eventually read it again.

Have not yet read Autobiography of a Spiritually Incorrect Mystic, but I looked through it briefly when you were reading it, and did not find it off base. But neither did I read it closely, so I can't say anything about it with confidence. Glad you enjoyed it. Tell me if there were things in it you did not enjoy, or that raised questions. I have researched Osho's life a great deal, as you know, and will eventually read this book, but at the moment find myself directing attention toward other areas.

My personal conclusion, after the research, was that I could best spend my time reading his works, rather than reading further material about him and his life. Glad I looked into his life, but think I would rather connect with his internal mindstream than with additional external events or other people's interpretations of them. To me, his validity, stature, grandeur and importance to my own life comes from his discourses and other works (including a few writings, and several books called Darshan Diaries, individual talks with sanyassins).

Meanwhile, I'm delighted you are reading Maneesha's The Buddha For The Future. There are other books on Bhagwan, but it seems to me her love for him was pure, her perception of him clear and true, her intelligence most worthy of his words and works and life. She sees clearly, writes well, and understands Bhagwan and his work more deeply than any one else I have encountered in my research. There are those who disagree with my assessment of her, but I feel confident in my appraisal. She also edited a number of Bhagwan's books, including many of the Darshan Diaries (some of which are difficult to locate, out of print). She was with him throughout the Oregon ordeal, on into Poona II, often coming up with stimulating, provocative, insightful questions from which Bhagwan spun magnificent answers (especially during the latter stages, when his energy was steadily decreasing due to the thallium poisoning. Maneesha's questions, infused with love-energy and high intelligence, helped keep him going, bless her).

Among others who did not betray him or abandon him or eventually renounce the profundity of their own experiences with him I would include Dr. George Meredith, whom I already mentioned (Bhagwan: The Most Godless Yet the Most Godly Man; and a slim book entitled The Key to the Future: The Choice is Ours), and a woman named Sue Appleton, a sanyassin and lawyer who wrote two terrific short books — Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh: The Most Dangerous Man Since Jesus Christ, and Was Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh Poisoned by Ronald Reagan's America?

There are two other books, both of which are of a more upbeat less serious nature, written by women who loved Bhagwan deeply and truly. Neither woman is exceptionally bright, but both are kind and loving and intelligent and have a heart of gold. One is Ma Prem Shunyo, who wrote Diamond Days With Osho, a touching memoir of her experiences with Osho. And Ma Dharma Jyoti, One Hundred Tales for Ten Thousand Buddhas.

Osho would be immensely pleased that you are working with some of his meditations. He was, above all, a meditation teacher, perhaps the finest meditation teacher the world has ever known. That is what the vast body of his work is based on: meditation. Nearly everything he said during almost the whole of his career was drawn from meditation, directed toward meditation, revealing the nature of meditation and its various methods and means. His whole life's work was designed to do two things: clear our psychic ground of conditioned imprisonments, and invite you and me and others into the domain of meditation. He has numerous books devoted exclusively to different kinds of meditations, and I heartily recommend any or all of them. You are clearly receptive to meditation, its requirements, its capacity to alter mind-states, its potential for transforming mind into no-mind, its value as a process and means and end in itself. (At a certain point, one no longer meditates; he is meditation itself, a permanent state of being — that might take a while!) The breathing techniques are time-honored and powerful. And you're right — they will make you light-headed! A great feeling, isn't it?

So happy you managed to get a copy of the first volume of the Three Treasures, on Lao Tzu. Of all of the masters Bhagwan discusses he feels most attuned with Lao Tzu (and Buddha). I already mentioned to you that the blend of yoga discipline and Lao Tsuvian let-go might be a liberating balance for you. If you incorporate both perspectives into your thinking and being, I know you will find yourself, not in a conflict of opposites, but expanding in all directions simultaneously: the complementary unities Bhagwan talks about in so many of his works (as in Heraclitus, Sosan, others).

You ask what else am I reading—
I regard the reading of Osho and some of the other people we've talked about along the way as being essential for my own psychological evolution, spiritual development, and sense of well-being. However, these past few weeks I've been catching up on some non-essential reading I've wanted to get to for a long time.

I plunged into a re-reading of Dostoyevsky's The Idiot (which I finally put aside half-way through; my sensibilities have changed considerably since reading D many years ago; had to bless him, say Farewell, and set him back on the shelf). Completed Stephen Ambrose's Undaunted Courage, about the Lewis and Clark expedition across America in 1804-1806. I followed up by internetting a dozen or so people who were with L & C on that trip, and several mountain men who came afterwards. Am now re-reading Citizen Tom Paine, by Howard Fast; Tom Paine was an Englishman who became one of America's greatest writers (Common Sense) and greatest revolutionaries.

Am just beginning Martin Rees's Our Cosmic Habitat, as I'm also interested in astronomy, astrophysics and cosmology (not in a heavy, technical way; just as an interested layman). After the book, I plan to jump back into about a dozen articles out of Astronomy magazine, copies of which have been regularly arriving in the mail, all of which I have been stacking up in a corner, promising myself I will get to "some day." Well. . .now's the time!

After these journeys, I'll be leap into a number of interviews in the magazine What Is Enlightenment? I subscribe to it and very much enjoy the kinds of people it features (such as Ken Wilber, Eckhart Tolle, Jack Engler, Vimala Thakar, John White, Dr. Brian Swimme, Duane Elgin and numerous other scientists, cosmologists, mystics and other enlightened beings.) A terrific magazine. Keeps me in touch with contemporary masters.

This period is a kind of lull between writings. One of these days, the editor of Blue Melody will get back to me and we will plunge into the final work that needs to be done in order to get the book completely edited and produced, then released. I want very much to get back into my new book, Watch, Listen, Know, but don't want to revitalize my energies and jump into it, only to have the editor call and force me to drop it again while we complete Blue Melody. So I'm between these two books, not able to move forward with either.

Rather than fritter away the time, I'm using the lull to do some of the reading I normally don't get a chance to do. It's fun, nourishing, exciting, stimulating in its variety, and relatively easy going. When I get Blue Melody completed, produced, out there, I'll return to my essential readings and plunge whole-heartedly back into the writing of Watch, Listen, Know. I eagerly look forward to that, probably in the early fall. At that time, I will plunge back into Ken Wilber's works.
Thanks so much for keeping me updated on your activities and readings, Mark. I am very much interested in what you're up to, how things are going, what you're reading and listening to, how you feel and what you think about the readings and music, etc.

Was there, by the way, a second encounter with your woman friend who had reservations about Osho? [For follow-up on this, see April 19 and April 24 posts.]

Have you recovered from the breakup with your partner?

The main thing of course is to keep going, keep interested, keep growing, changing, sometimes being active, outwardly directed, sometimes being still, quiet, immobile, simply awake, aware, silent, attuned.

Breathe out, breathe in: together, it's all one!

Namaste,
Lee

Blisstalk

March 22, 2001

Hi, Mark,

So happy for you that things are moving along well. It has to be a joy to ride the train 300 miles up to Scotland on your way to the arms of your new kind and loving woman, listening to music and reading Osho for four hours, and looking out the window and occasionally realizing again how wonderful it is to be alive, conscious, aware, and how wondrous these precious moments are. Life is beautiful every way it is. Even when the going gets rough there is beauty in the heart and mind and in every breath and every leaf and every sparkle of light across the lakes.

The very fact that you are aware of how deeply conditionings lie in the psyche is an indication of your on-going progress. No need to try to shake them off. No struggle, no fight, no resistance. Just awareness. Simply take in music, words, sights, personal experiences that nourish you, and be aware of your responses and all will be well. A bliss moment with Hariprasad or a flashing insight from Osho by-passes reason, pierces the heart, does its own transformative work, chipping away at old barriers and encrustations, opening new vistas, enabling new life to breathe itself into you, like fresh air or sunlight.

You are doing exactly the things you should be doing for your evolutionary development. Feels good, doesn't it? Whenever you doubt yourself, or the journey or the process, take a deep breath, smile, and remember: trust is the way, let-go the means, and realization is an on-going journey. Watch what is going on inside and outside yourself; listen to all of your voices nonjudgmentally; in this way come to know who you are as you travel through your transformations. It is an extraordinary ride!

The Buddha books I mentioned in my last e-mail are a bit complex, which is fine, of course, and it is good you are aware of them now and find yourself interested in them. But I suggest you first read the Lao Tzu Three Treasures books, and then look into Osho's brilliant series on Buddha's Dhammapada. Maybe come to some of the more dense and intricate works a little later, as you become more familiar with the general territory. (I don't know if you have been printing out our correspondence, but it's a good idea; that way, you have our writings handy and can refer back to some of the things we say about the books, etc.)

It was in this Dhammapada series, spoken throughout 1979 into early 1980, that Osho poured perhaps his fullest blend of poetry, intellectual keenness, and sweetest nectar. It originally came in a 12-book boxed set, well worth getting if it is still available. Otherwise, I think the first four books are available individually, and that would be a great place to start.

(Osho uses Thomas Byrom's translation of the Dhammapada, which is a good one; available in a Shambhala pocket-sized edition, also well-worth getting, to carry around with you in the car or the backpack, for those times when you're standing in line at the grocery store or at the bank and you want to dip into that grand and astonishing Dhammapada wellspring, which gets better and better the more familiar you become with it. Same thing with Stephen Mitchell's translation of Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching.)

I eagerly look forward to the publication of Blue Melody, but must say that it deals with a time in my life that was quite confused, unhappy and self-destructive. It was a good time, a beneficial time, in the sense that I needed to explore various dark and terrible zones in order to know them, and to discover how far I could venture into them without killing myself. At the moment of finality, I recognized my situation, made a choice to live, and from there began the journey of ascension. Blue Melody doesn't delve into that upward journey into expanding consciousness, because the story is about Tim and the days I spent with him, which of course concluded when he died in 1975.

My own story in Watch, Listen, Know travels through those dark zones, not as an end in itself the way so many novels and films do, but as a significant part of the total journey upward, toward the light, eventually into the light, which light, of course, gets brighter and brighter. It seems to me that the evolutionary journey of consciousness, with its confusions, dangers, struggles, setbacks and eventual unfoldings and bedazzling realizations, is one of the most exciting journeys a human being can take.

Whether or not I can pour that into a book in such a way as to captivate and inspire readers remains to be seen. However, I write because it feels authentic and true, something worthwhile for me and perhaps a few others as well. I focus not on publication, that effort will come later, after the book is done, but on the writing itself, on the kind of living I must do in order to remain available to the higher domains and to sustain energy enough to complete the work.

To be sure, for me and for others, there is nothing inevitable about that continual brightening. It needs to be nourished, never taken for granted; cherished and vitalized, not abused. I could fall away in an instant if I chose to become defiant and cynical or bitter and faithless, or just gave up and sank back into the comforts of unconsciousness, sweet darkness, sensual intoxications, nonresponsibility, the "accidental life, floating like driftwood" that Osho and Lao Tzu talk about. So, yes, I continue growing, and share whatever tidbits of insight and encouragement I can, keeping a keen eye on the workings of my own mindstream, especially important during this lull between Blue Melody's completion and my return to the writing of Watch, Listen, Know.

And so, my friend, we keep on keepin' on, don't we? It's great to be able to participate in blisstalk, is it not? If we lived in other states of consciousness, we would not be concerned with these matters. The very fact that blisstalk plays a role in our lives indicates that we continue on the right track.

Let light, love, hope, creativity, compassion, and laughter lead our way.

All the best, Mark,

Namaste,

Lee

Re: quick hello friend

April 4, 2002

Hi, Mark,

How good to hear from you. Just this morning I was wondering how you are.

So glad you are checking into Three Treasures and finding it meaningful. That series (all four books) opened a lot of doors for me. Society as a whole, and individuals within it, tend to be fearful, insecure, in need of more and more control. The more insecure they feel, the more control they think they need. Ironically, in the effort to establish more control over every aspect of their lives and become "perfect," they only create more insecurity, more fear, and more need for control.

Osho and Lao Tzu are honing in on this phenomenon of fear/security need/control, and teaching us a very different way: Let go, relax, attune yourself to existence, trust that if you live life on its own terms, rather than trying to manipulate it to fit fear-based ego-needs, all will be well. Or, as Maher Baba once put it, "Do your work as well as you can, then don't worry, be happy." The shift goes from effort to effortlessness, balancing both as you travel. Takes a while, but when you can stand in the middle and stretch your wingtips out to touch Pantanjali on one side and Lao Tzu on the other, you've got it all!. . .

Keep on keepin' on, guy,

All the very best,

Lee

Liverpool & Dark Zones

April 6, 2002

Mark wrote an especially good letter describing his life in northern England. After letting me know that only the first volume of The Three Treasures was still in print, he described his area near Liverpool, 300 miles north of London, as being rainy and cloudy for the most part. He had lived there most of his life, with brief visits to other places, including a year in Scotland, which time he spent mostly in a haze of drugs and alcohol, the "dark zones" of his life.

He said there was a kind of cultural dividing line between the south and north of England, an Us and Them attitude, with "Us" being good humored salt-of-the-earth types, "Them" being rich, unhappy, toffee-nosed, ill-humored people. He thought that attitude was slowly changing, and quoted Ian Brown from a rock group called the Stone Roses as saying, "It's not where you are from. It's where you are at!"

He said he thought he would move away from the area someday, but presently remained there because of his two-year-old son. When his son had grown up, Mark said he would probably move somewhere "with a better climate!"

In the second part of his e-mail, Mark said he experimented with "all kinds of stuff" while in Scotland, feeling young and indestructible. After a year, he fell into a severe depression. He straightened out, but then on three successive prolonged occasions fell off the wagon and found himself again losing perspective. At that point, he knew he needed a fresh approach to life.

A musician friend of his "turned me on to the other side of this life — the spiritual." He brought Mark several books, including the Bhagavad-Gita and the Upanishads. Mark became more deeply involved with yoga, and from then on "there was no turning back. I jumped in, completely devouring everything from Wayne Dyer to Madame Blavatsky."

He quoted my own remarks about needing to explore and understand the shadow side of his psyche, "as in lots of ways I look to my own dark zones as a teaching in my life. Without those zones I would never be in the spaces I am in now - happy, content, not wanting, blissful (well most of the time!!!)." He had been able to recognize that he was in trouble; he had chosen to live instead of die; he had begun his own "journey of ascension." He concluded by saying growing was not easy, but it was so much more inspiring and fulfilling than any other choice. "It is quite simply the ONLY thing one could want to do ever."

The Sounds of Jazz

April 16-18, 2002

Mark said he had purchased Black Saint and the Sinner Lady, by Charles Mingus, and Spirit in the Sky by Aretha Franklin, "both truly wonderful records." He also mentioned he had Miles Davis's Bitches Brew and Kind of Blue on LPs, and then asked "what is your verdict on jazz? Are there any particular artists who move you?"

He said he had finished Osho's Three Treasures [Vol. 1], "an amazing book!" and was beginning The Empty Boat, on Chuang Tzu.
>

Hey, Mark, great to hear from you.

Way to go, guy. You're really moving along these days. The word, and music — reading, listening — these are two of the most potent, uplifting activities you can participate in. The things we bring into ourselves make all the difference in who we are and who we become. We are not only what we eat. That's just the physical domain. We are also what we see, feel, and think. Great books by enlightened writers and great music by great musicians can do wonders for the psyche and the soul. Books and music have been my greatest teachers.

Charlie Mingus in general and Black Saint and the Sinner Lady in particular were among Tim's all-time favorites. He had enormous respect for Mingus, and loved that particular album above all other Mingus offerings. Aretha, what a great gal, isn't she? Tim and I and some of our friends used to listen to Mingus, Aretha, Dr. John, Miles Davis, Gabor Szabo, Bill Evans and a number of others on a regular basis. I loved jazz before I ever met Tim, and turned him on to a number of people (which led to Happy Sad, among other things). Especially recommend Miles Davis.

So glad you are looking into the jazz genre. Great musicians; great music spanning decades and numerous stylistic changes; a lot of good stuff that simply does not date itself; powerful listening right here, right now, in the present.

Of the Miles albums, definitely buy a new CD of Kind of Blue. That's an enduring classic. It holds up as well as any jazz album I've ever heard. That one, and In A Silent Way, were Tim's two favorite Miles recordings. Later, in 1975 after Tim had died, Miles put together one of the most ferocious jazz/rock bands I have ever heard. He recorded two albums with this group, Agharta and Pangea. Both of these works will blow the lid off your head. Of course old jazz buffs hated this music. It was too modern, not "be-bop," not rooted in standard jazz rhythms, too discordant, fiery, and unconventional. Well, I heard that group live at the Troubadour in L.A., bought Agharta, and Agharta became another one of my favorite Miles albums. These three — Kind of Blue, In A Silent Way and Agharta (or Pangea) — cover the psychic territory extraordinarily well. Whatever you need or want on any given day is in there somewhere.***

Bill Evans — One of the all-time great pianists. Smooth, subtle, intricate, flowing, brilliant. He recorded dozens of albums. I would suggest you check out one or two of his earlier albums (but they are all good), maybe Bill Evans at Town Hall, or Undercurrents or Intermodulations (both with guitarist Jim Hall). These became three of Tim's favorites. Maybe start with the Town Hall album and take it from there.

Gabor Szabo is probably out of print. Hungarian, a great (amplified Martin acoustic) guitarist in an intimate, melodic, minimalist way. Tim and I used to listen to The Sorcerer, Spellbinder, and Bacchanal, three marvelously intimate, hypnotic albums.

And you're reading The Empty Boat! That book is one of my all-time favorites, and Chuang Tzu, through Bhagwan, is one of my all-time favorite masters. Bhagwan did a second book on Chuang Tzu that you will also love, entitled When the Shoe Fits, another of my most treasured Osho books.

I know the money output for such things can be a bit of a strain, but there's lots of time, and every time you put a dollar out for a good book or a CD of great music, you've got another lifelong friend. Everything else comes and goes, but good books and good music can last forever.

All the very best, Mark,
Lee

[* For more on Miles, see Letters III, to John S., September 8, 2002]

Music & Osho & the Return of the Basher

April 19, 2002

Mark looked forward to listening to Gabor Szabo and Bill Evans, and said it seemed like an eternity since he had parted from his girlfriend. He felt pleased that the sale of his house had come through, so he had some money to spend on books and music and yoga.

The Empty Boat was a joy to read, he said. "My only problem is not how to empty the boat but how to keep it empty!! So much conditioning. So much that I'm finding it hard to remain empty - if at all!! Is this many lifetimes work??" He said all of Osho's insights seemed so true and so apparent, but he found it difficult to work them into his own life in any permanent way.

He asked a few questions about Sheela and other members of Osho's ashram, then spoke once again about "my friend the Osho Basher." He said she was now reading Glimpses of a Golden Childhood, and "I'm gonna change her mind if it kills me!!!"

He said she had read the biography, "but still thinks that is just one side of the story, and a biased one at that. She wants to read the god that failed by that Scottish man Hugh Milne??! Have you ever read that book, and what has happened to him??"

Re: Music, Osho & the Basher

April 19, 2002

Hi, Mark,

Always a pleasure hearing from you, Mark. So glad things are moving along well for you, the sale of the house, a few extra bucks, a chance to move deeper and higher into books and music.

You are so right about the difficulties of bringing wisdom-words into one's life and have them remain. If this kind of reading were only an intellectual exercise, then you could reduce a master's words to knowledge, like physics or math, and simply memorize them and repeat them like a parrot. In fact, that is what many people do: they are called scholars! From Buddha to the present, masters have universally insisted that mere intellectual grasping and holding of words and empirical facts is not enough.

We must read as if listening to music, or wind, or a small mountain waterfall. Breathe the fragrance of the words. Let them float through your eyes and ears and mind. Let them touch your heart. And do it every day. This kind of reading is like eating food. It's different but the same. You need renewed input each day; that input nourishes body, mind, spirit; and some of it remains with you, perhaps only a small part. And even if a recollection of specific words and phrases disappears altogether, the substance of those words remains. Bit by bit, you change and grow.

Over a period of time, not necessarily years and years or a whole lifetime, but daily, one day at a time, your readings and listenings and yoga exercises and meditations slowly dissolve conditioning, cleanse the portals of the eyes, awaken the heartsong — and almost as if suddenly, you wake up one day a different person. And you are! Even as you already are now, today, even as you read this e-mail. (That is why it seems like an eternity away from you when you split from your girlfriend — and it is! You are different now from what you were before).

You keep the boat empty by nourishing yourself daily in these ways — and by locating yourself in the living eternal moment (meditation, being present in the present). Awareness in the now clears the boards instantly, doesn't it? Empty mind. Empty boat. Then you are everywhere.

Ah, yes, our basher friends—

There are a number of books out that bash Osho, including Milne's, just as there are a number of articles from magazines and newspapers. In fact, the weight of material written against Osho far outweighs material written in his favor. That is why I suggested you check out Maneesha's book(s), and listed for you a few other books by grateful, celebratory sannyasins.

Most of the bashing is by right wing Christian fascist politicians and priests; much of it by disgruntled sannyasins (like Milne) who hated Osho when he refused to cater to their ideas of what a guru should be and should do and should say; and the rest of it by people who are totally removed from Osho, his work, the ashram and sannysins, but who have profoundly antagonistic attitudes toward him — even though they know little or nothing about him.

So when your friend reads books or articles that bash Osho, she is not getting an understanding of Osho and his work at all. She is getting only the views and biases and perceptual colorings of the people who wrote the books or articles. She is getting a line of anti-Osho propaganda, which far outweighs the comparitively small amount of literature that supports Osho, usually written by people who were not only there, but who clearly and deeply understood his work (unlike the bashers). She can feed her resistance and negativity easily, quickly, persistently, if she wants to, but that is not going to help her understand the man and his work. If she truly wants to know the man, read his books, listen to his tapes, watch his videos.

The assembled autobiography is good, but not good enough (at the beginning of the journey), because it does indeed represent Osho only in part; it mainly represents the people who selected the passages. Yes, he spoke the passages, but other people selected them and put them together, using his words to paint their own portrait of him. Yes, it resembles him, but, like all anthological assemblages, it is only partial. Same thing with other kinds of anthologies, where (usually) well-meaning people select a topic like Love or Creativity or Courage or Rebellion, whatever, and then go through Osho's vast library of books picking and choosing this passage, that passage, sewing together a patchwork quilt based on an isolated theme.

So either way — Osho-bashers writing diatribes against him, or Osho-supporters writing defenses or creating anthologies — either way and both ways, all the reader is getting is a partial view. (Although I regard Maneesha as an exception. As far as I can see after several years of looking into these matters, her writings are accurate, insightful and comprehensive.)

The only way to truly get a total view is to set the squabblings of other people aside and read Osho's works directly, with an open mind and a pure and receptive heart, just as you are doing. Books "about" Osho are wonderful once the reader has become acquainted with Osho's works, but not necessarily before. It seems to me that anybody who is seriously and sincerely interested in Osho should turn directly to the works themselves, beginning with the books in the '70s. Later, after being firmly grounded in Osho's works and familiar with the man himself, anthologies and pro and con writings about him can be helpful, interesting, informative, provocative. But there is no substitute for direct experience.

If your friend is serious and sincere about her spiritual growth, and serious and sincere about exploring Osho, she might want to set aside other people's opinions, and her own notions of "for" and "against," and simply open her mind and heart, read some of the books you have enjoyed, perhaps the Lao Tzu book or the Kabir book, whatever, and allow herself to receive his words, not as intellectual baubles, but as love songs, because that is what they are.

If after she has read a few of the books you have enjoyed, then she of course can and will make up her own mind. If he has not touched her, if she finds herself indifferent or hostile, if she still feels that he is not for her, then, hey, so what? She should then find somebody she can relate to without effort, somebody who speaks to her heart and mind in ways she finds meaningful.

It is good she is skeptical, is it not? It is good she is wary, good that she has a strong sense of doubt. She can put the master to severe tests, question him in her mind, see what he says and how he says it. Only if he can survive her scrutiny will he be worthy of her acceptance. And when she finds somebody whom she CAN accept, then she will be ready to receive, welcome, absorb — and begin the wondrous and joyful journey toward the light of her own being. If Osho is not for her, so be it. No problem. Each one of us must find our own way.

Of course, if she keeps protecting herself with a wall in front of her, she can never receive Osho or anybody else. If she can find courage enough to drop the wall, open herself, receive a master's words, allow them to touch her deepest feelings and become a part of her, then and only then is she being true to her own ideals. By that I mean, only then is she allowing herself to truly explore. For that kind of honesty, for exploratory authenticity, there is no alternative to direct experience.

To truly know any master, Osho or anybody else, she has to connect with him or her directly. To do that, she has to read and experience the original works, not just assembled autobiographies, or biographies, or articles or books or other forms of other peoples' opinions, interpretations, and value judgments. At the beginning of the journey, things other than the works are peripheral avoidances and self-deceptions. "About" remains "about," and evades direct contact.

Some people wish to remain outside, detached, untouched, intellectually in control of themselves, and that of course is their privilege. Unfortunately, they also tend to lie to themselves, calling that approach "objective," "unbiased," "scientific," "realistic," "well-balanced," etc. It is none of those things, because they do not allow themselves to be inwardly touched, awakened, swept away. They do not allow themselves to profoundly experience their own interiority — but interiority is precisely what spirituality is all about. And so they remain cold and detached, uninvolved, viewing things from the outside and only partially, and they never grow. That is perfectly okay, but to do this in the NAME of growth is self-deceiving and a waste of everybody's time.

There is such joy in involvement, and it takes so little. And yet that small gap, that "hairbreadth of distinction" between egoic separation and self-transcendence can be as vast as the ocean. Remember Sosan's words?

Let go of longing and aversion,
And everything will be perfectly clear.
When you cling to a hairbreadth of distinction,
heaven and earth are set apart.
If you want to realize the truth,
do not be for or against.
The struggle between good and evil
is the primal disease of the mind.

About some of the other things you mentioned — Lao Tzu is pronounced like it looks (Lao, then Zoo with a "T" in front of it, "Tzoo."). Sheela was sentenced to four years in jail in Europe; I don't know where she went after she got out. In fact, I have not kept track of anyone other than Maneesha, who lives in Poona and edits the Ashram newspaper. I suggest you check out http://www.osho.com and http://www.sannyas.net They are fun sites, and have links to other sites. You can find out about the newspaper (I think it's called the Osho Times, not sure about that) and other things. Check in, maybe ask a few questions (such as What happened to——?) They also list recordings that were made in Osho's presence, a number of them by Deuter (including Basho's Pond and several others).

Do check into Gabor Szabo. I know you will enjoy him. A great stylist and a beautiful guy. My own guitar playing was greatly influenced by him.

As always, Mark, thank you for your kind words. It warms my heart to know you are there. You make it possible for me to offer myself in what I hope are helpful, nourishing ways, passing along a little of what I am and who I have become to a marvelous guy who is making good use of it. That is most gratifying. I very much appreciate your interest and receptivity. It helps me live up to the best in myself.

Thanks again, Mark,

All the best,

Lee

"May the Light Within You Shine"

April 24, 2002

"Namaste Lee," Mark wrote. "'May the light within you shine.' So another wonderful email from you sir - and indeed reading your emails is like listening to music or a mountain waterfall, every word a beautiful fragrance."

Mark said he appreciated the fact that merely grasping the words intellectually was not enough, and cited an anecdote in The Empty Boat about a master who, when dying, insisted his disciples burn all of his teachings so people did not just "intellectualize" them.

He wondered if we would be having the same conversation and be on the same path if we did not have books, and said he would like to think so. And, yes, although there is always work to do, sometimes it is nice to just "kick back a little" too.

He said his friend Rachel, the Osho basher, is still stuck inside her own mind. "She's a scholar, as you say (that made me laugh!) But maybe that's just her path."

He questioned whether or not he would have gotten to the relatively healthy place he was in today if he had not "gone through those dark times in my life. Do you think that people need to see the dark to get to the light?"

Maybe that was why his scholar friend and most other people are stuck in the mind, "because they haven't had any glimpses of the dark. What do you think? What about yourself?"

So maybe Rachel will never get out of her mind and move into the heart and come to appreciate the words of the masters, he said. Perhaps "her conditionings make her remain too cynical to soften to the words of bliss."

He thought the Sosan quote was perfect, and we should just empty the boat, neither this nor that, and not become smug and sanctimonious towards people who have not yet seen the light. He certainly did not wish to become a "conceited spiritualist!"

Dark/Light & A New Day

April 30, 2002

Hello, Mark!

What a joyful email you wrote recently (4/24/02)! Please accept my apologies for not getting back to you immediately. I have been embroiled in some difficult matters with the Tim book, putting in as much as 10 hours a day for the past week and a half — time consuming and exhausting! But there is a momentary break now, which gives me an opportunity to spend time with you, re-read your 4/24 email, listen to some music as I go, "kicking back a little," as you said the other day . . . .

Your discussion about the dark side and light side of life was most insightful, I thought, and raised some good questions.

Nutshelling: I think if one falls into the pit of despair and self-destruction, it may well lead nowhere except to the grave (as it did for Tim). If, however, the other force within, the desire for change, growth, love and creativity, is not absolutely destroyed, it may awaken at the last second and propel one into a new mindstate: toward evolutionary psycho-spiritual ascension.

It all depends on how far down one has drifted, and how strong the urge to awaken is. If a single strong ray of life-light penetrates the darkly depressed psyche, there is a chance for a turnaround. Two things must happen simultaneously: boredom and disgust with self-destruction, and a strong desire for positive change. (This is why Alcoholics Anonymous talks about "reaching one's own bottom," and why psychotherapy seems most effective when one has reached "the end of his rope.")

But there is a trap in here. It is the notion that one MUST descend into hell, dissipation, self-destruction and the deepest, darkest pits of the psyche, in order to finally discover light, love, compassion, mental and physical health, the heart, goodness, beauty and creativity. I used to believe that, and used that belief as a driving motivation to sink into oblivion and the kinds of drugs-and-alcohol madness that nearly killed me, and did indeed kill Tim (and Jimi and Janis and Jim Morrison and hundreds of known and unknown others). I fueled that belief with novels, poetry, and music that celebrated darkside thinking and darkside conduct (reading everybody from Rimbaud to Kerouac, listening to everybody from Charlie Parker to Art Pepper, from David Crosby to Jimi Hendrix). Jazz and rock 'n' roll are overrun with people waving flags for mental illness, unhappiness, rage and self-destructive behavior.

The trap is this: one begins with an unconscious, tormented, self-annihilating psychological orientation (usually rooted in dysfunctional childhood experience), and then gravitates toward brilliant, talented, emotionally and intellectually exciting role models who are equally screwed up, in order to justify acting out one's own neurotic self-destructive tendencies (usually rooted in unconscious anger, pain and self-contempt).

The downward slide into excessive sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll and all the insanity that goes with it becomes easier and easier, because one thinks he is being "creative," "rebellious in the name of art," "superior," "daring," "exploratory." All the great writers and musicians did it, one reasons (and rationalizes), so I'll do it too — and thereby I will become as brilliant as they were. (Of course "all" the great writers and musicians did NOT do it, only the ones I selected to justify my need to fail and fall.) As you know, orthodox religion is rife with these folks too, hundreds of so-called saints who led a dissolute youth and then "saw the light" and became prophets, priests, preachers, cardinals and popes. Yes, they may well have "seen the light," but not BECAUSE they spent time wallowing in darkness, pain and mud.

See how things gets turned around? People think they will "see the light" if — and only if — they indulge their self-destructive urges. That is simply not the case.

So, yes, I know that one can drop down into the darkest pits of hell, and then might find a moment of sanity that leads upward toward recuperation; out of psychic fragmentation into wholeness; out of self-contempt into self-love; out of ignorance into psychological clarity and spiritual growth — but the descent is not necessary. It is not a prerequisite! In fact, to think of it that way only strengthens one's own fears and weaknesses and empowers the underlying, unconscious neurotic forces that fiercely oppose growth, consciousness, love and creativity.
I think, I know, people can begin wherever they are — perhaps in excellent mental and physical health — and grow and develop and deepen and expand from there.

As a matter of fact, the journey out of unconsciousness into consciousness, perhaps especially by means of psychotherapy and meditation and related processes, can take place anywhere at any time. No matter where one starts, the key is desire for change combined with good work done with strength, courage, persistence and conviction; listening to music rooted in sanity, creativity and higher consciousness; reading books by people such as Osho, Kabir, Lao Tzu, Chuang Tzu and other good folks who are becoming very much a part of your life; asking good questions, listening to answers that embody depth, intelligence and wisdom. In other words, taking in and absorbing images that chip away conditioned illusions and awaken awareness, consciousness and compassion on as many levels as possible — that's the way to go. And that's exactly what you are doing, am I right? Good for you.

Just recently a friend of mine sent me a terrific photograph of an old friend of mine who in the picture was young and strong, but who today is comatose in a hospital in Atlanta. His name is Billy R. In a separate e-mail I will send you the letter I wrote to the friend who sent the picture to me. The letter is a kind of protest against the cultural romanticizing of self-destruction.
Just last night I was talking with Sonia. I said, "Let me tell you a thought of mine which I have not uttered before, because it is heretical: I suspect that people do not change. That is, people who do change, do change, and they do not change by refusing to change. Their nature is change, and they change, and they do not deviate from that. They cannot keep themselves from changing. They are few. In fact, they are extremely rare. Others don't change either, but remain unchanging, rooted in homeostasis, forever blind, forever fearful, forever static, psycho-spiritually inert. They are many. They run the world and constitute the vast majority.

"So who are you?" I asked her. "What is your nature? I think your nature is change, growth, development, expansion. I think you have been that way ever since you were a child. Your whole life has been dedicated to change — and there is really nothing else you can do, or want to do, because you can't change that. You are one of the few lucky ones on earth. I am, too.
"That is why I had to leave my conventional middleclass suit-and-tie domain and rebelliously dive down into the depths to see what is there, and then shift again and begin the upward ascent to see what is there as well.

"Not that evolutionary psycho-spiritual growth doesn't bring its share of problems. It does. That's why Socrates was poisoned. Jesus was crucified. Osho was poisoned. The conventional, unchanging mass-mind reveres static familiarity and basis its power structures on that. But when change is your nature, and you embrace it and do not resist it, but go ahead and nourish it and allow yourself to flower into wholeness, bliss and radiant awareness, then joy is yours and the whole of existence sings with you, because the whole of existence is nothing but change, and you are attuned with it."

That is why it seems to me, Mark, that it is important to go one's own way. If others can follow, or can receive your enthusiasm and feel inspired by it, great. If they can't, then maybe they "will never get out of the mind to the heart and appreciate the words of the masters," as you said.

Your Osho-bashing friend, Rachel, may indeed "remain too cynical to soften to the words of bliss." But then again, she and others who might feel much the same way may not remain cynical and hard. If change is their unchanging nature, then maybe, just maybe, a word you utter or a gesture of love and light in your eyes at just the right moment, may trigger off a positive response in them and help them regroup, get back on their own evolutionary track from which they were momentarily distracted. You never know, right?

The key seems simple enough, at least to me: Go your own way. Be your own person. Test the waters when you meet people. Throw a few seeds into the wind. See where they land. If there is good soil, and they start growing, wonderful. You can be of help. When you give more energy, it will not be rejected. It will not be wasted on them. It will benefit you in the giving, even as it benefits them in the receiving. If there is poor soil, perhaps even barren rock, and those seeds don't take hold, well, too bad.

But it's important that you do not spend your time trying to convince and convert people who simply do not want to change. Argument never solves anything, does it? It only strengthens division and antagonism. Do you see what I mean? Give energy where it is appreciated and not wasted. Seek and find those who want to change and grow. Don't create self-doubt by trying to convince those who do not and cannot change — because that unchangeability is their nature, which should be respected (or at least perceived), even as you feel compassion for it and move on.

As Buddha once said, "Tis better to travel on alone than with a fool for company."

Which reminds me: Now that you've got a little extra dinero, the next time you check into Amazon.com order three wonderful books that can be lifelong companions for you: The Shambhala Pocket edition of Buddha's Dhammapada (translated by Thomas Byrom) and Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching (translated by Stephen Mitchell). The third book, I have not mentioned to you before. It was one of the books Bhagwan recommended in a book he did entitled Books I Have Loved. This third book is an eternal classic, entitled The Book of Mirdad, by Mikhail Naimy. You will not be disappointed. All three of these books can be lifelong companions for you.

Let me once again thank you for your 4/24 e-mail, Mark — in fact, for all of your e-mails. I always enjoy hearing from you and find your concerns and interests and questions and wonderings stimulating and helpful to me. You help me look more closely at myself, at who I am and how exciting and wondrous this road of life is. None of what I write to you is memorized, you know. At each sitting, I have to sit down, look inside, ask myself, "What do you truly think and feel about this?" and then try to find words to express it. Not always easy. What a marvelous exploratory journey!

All the very best,

Lee